Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
