i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
