Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
