Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
