what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
