I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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