Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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