It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
