I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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