I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
They have beer where we have blood.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
