Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
