I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
