i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
