You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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