"it" just moved
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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