Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So much Jack, so little girl.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
