I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
