You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm passing your future prison.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
