I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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