well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
