He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
