He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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