can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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