Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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