those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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