My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
