there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
