Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
