Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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