this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
