I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
