I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
