You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
