WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
two words: eviction party
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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