whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
