I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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