no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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