Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
