CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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