well I can't set my house on fire every night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
