3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
