I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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