he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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