He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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