I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
