I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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