TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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