so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
