Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
