I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
