"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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