I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Randomize
