Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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