I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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