Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
