i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
