Pants 0. Shit 1.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
