she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
