I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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