Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
