just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
