My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
