I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
