i just wanna soil my oats bro
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
