Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
