I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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