My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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