I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
