his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
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No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
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He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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