After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
