there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
