mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
