I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
