She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
