Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
