wakey wakey hands off snakey
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Randomize
