my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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