I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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