the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
