I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
