the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
