can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
