i may or may not be watching the land before time
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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