My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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