I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
