girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
